Oh sure, 2020. Let’s fuck around with everything a bit more. Let’s turn me into a walking cliche.
Tonight I find out, via a gentle message in my inbox, that my ex shacked up with someone half my age (and his) while we were still together. And so a family was destroyed. One that I fought so hard to keep. But you can’t compete with youth, I guess. Especially if you don’t know what you are up against, because the denials and lies just mount and mount and mount until it all gets a bit much.
I look back at my Whatsapps to make sure my timing is not off. Desperate for no overlap. But there it is.
It sucks that I found out this way. Although, to be fair, the timing is perfect. I spent a session with my psychologist this week, and for an hour we had nothing to talk about but the virus and its impact on life. No mention of Craig. Nothing left to say. Time and distance had clearly shown me the duplicity, the narcissism, the emotional abuse. I am over it.
There is no anger, sadness, or regret. There is just … indifference. For a man who couldn’t even lift a finger to fight for his family, and who told me of his intention to leave two days after I finished my chemo (but who actually only left many months later, months he used to find his new sidekick – I mean, why not fuck with me while there was nothing else to lose?). It’s genius, isn’t it? Think you might want to test the waters, but don’t want to be the arsehole? Breakup with your partner of 10 years (over a gentle lunch, while your son sits and listens), but then continue to live in the house as if nothing has changed. Go and roam. Find. Then pack a bag and leave.
Ok, maybe I’m a BIT angry.
I would have preferred the truth from him. Not a third party. We spend hours on the phone, he refuses to discuss anything of his private life. As if he didn’t have one. I guess shame catches up with one, after all? I always told him, everywhere you go, you take yourself with you. But hey, congrats: You always did say you want a 26-year old, and this one is beautiful. Treat her well.
Never a word shall be mentioned here again on this subject. It’s perfect timing, actually. I was wondering how to introduce my next chapter of my life on this blog, but couldn’t do it until this one was closed.